A Diary Entry: Based on Actual Events

“A woman in a pink jacket sits at a counter, eating and looking at the camera” by Guillaume Bolduc on Unsplash

Dear Diary,

Hey, it’s me. Hey.

I’m sitting on the L train heading toward Brooklyn right now. It’s about 11:17pm and I’m not gonna lie, I’m a little tipsy. I forgot to eat lunch and Jackie was buying so that’s that. Jackie is my friend, FYI.

I’m heading back to the big B.K right now and I know, me living in Brooklyn? Crazy. But believe it or not it’s the only affordable and hip neighborhood left in New York City so……. So anyway, I’m here, just you know, sitting. I’ve looked up in deep thought a total of 4 times before writing down this first sentence. I’m super bloated but I feel very cultured with you in my hands. Thank you. Honestly, thank you. I’m even listening to a tranquil Jazz piano station on Spotify and I feel exactly like every coming of age film I have ever seen. Oh! I just gazed at my reflection in the subway window. I think I might cry. It’s really hard being so introspective.

Yeah. Anyway, it’s me. Blaire. Remember me? Blaire with an “E”. It’s been awhile since we’ve spoken, oops, I mean, it’s been awhile since I’ve written! My bad. 14 years to be exact. The last time we saw each other was on my 10th Birthday back in ’03. Yeah you remember, the birthday when my Dad bought you for me and I thought, “Wow, I’ve never wanted something less in my entire life.” But, anyway, there you were and now we meet again. Just so you know, I’m terrible at first dates. But I’m just a Girl who is a lil tipsy on this train trying to journal asking you to say something back.

I’m on this train, where the lights are shining and the heat is rising because I got inside the car with no air conditioning. Oh! I almost forgot to tell you, yes, I have been taking a poetry class on Thursday nights yeahhhh at the “Y” yeahhhh. I know, look at me… a poet!

Anyway, I’ve been talking about myself this entire time. How are you? Dating anyone? Sleeping with anyone? Anyone else write in you while I’m gone? God, I don’t understand why you aren’t answering! I’m literally baring my soul and you can’t even give me anything in return? Are you mad at me?

Okay fine. I’m sorry, I left you at the bottom of my dresser for 11 years and then in my sock drawer for 3 years. It wasn’t personal, honest, I just didn’t really have time to like you know… talk. It’s been crazy and I’ve just been like: “Where am I? Who am I? What are taxes? No idea.” But I’m back now and I’m so glad we have reconnected. I will definitely be carrying you around and take you out whenever I need to look deep and brooding.

Great! I knew you’d understand. Basically, I’m ready for my life to change exactly like every single coming of age film I’ve ever seen and I’d really like you to show me the way. So show me. Change my life. Make it so I have a soundtrack when I walk by a brick wall with graffiti on it. Color my life the color of Sepia. Also, please give me ripped abs. Thanks. Talk to you soon.

Love You,

Blaire (With an E)

Becca Beberaggi is a Los Angeles based writer, visual artist, and singer (under her musical persona Roselina Albino) born and raised in New York City.